Hey Baby, What's Your Type?

Ever do a Myers-Brigg(s)? personality type indicator? I have and I'm a pure introvert. In fact, I am INFJ - Introvert/Intuitive/Feeling/Judgement. So's Scott, he's an ISTP - Introvert/Sensing/Thinking/Perceptive. Human Resource people love these labeling "tools", don't they?

In the pundent square of personality types, two big "I's" do not make a little "i". Marley is a very big "E"!!! Our baby girl adores her public. She sees perfectly and clearly how there is no seperation between her and anything. We're all in it together.

If you pass us by in the library, grocery store, pool, passport line or coffee shop, I'll be the gal holding the baby who just beams at you, loves you, wants to connect to you, invites you to talk to her by saying, "HI YA" with a smile so earnest is brings tears to my eyes.

Marely sees and reaches out for the old guy, the punk rocker, the "in a rush" lawyer, the homeless man, the child in a wheelchair, the perky waitress, the pissed off lady in front of us at the grocery store, the crack whore begging for bus fare, she'll try to connect with anyone. She knows nothing of identity politics - I'd like to do my part to keep it that way. Guess that starts with me being a lot less judgemental, shit!

She's teaching me to extend my actions, to act on my belief that I'm a compassionate person. Nothing lofty or grand or intellectual, a "hi" seems to do it. Can it really be that easy? Maybe that's the point - it is easy.

Fair-weather

Ahhhh.......

the sun has been making surprise appearances this week. Oh, how happy, happy, happy, this weather makes me. I like to pretend I'm cheating winter by just one more day - take that old man winter!

Don't get me wrong, winter means snowboarding, ice skating, skiing and several other activities I don't do - it's a fun season, just not for me.

But, now...I'm a Mummy and a role model. I'm sure Marley doesn't care how many interesting books I can read or how long I can sit in front of the fire thinking deep and very profound thoughts - honest, I do. I can sit ALL day.

SO, time to buck up, bundle up and enjoy the season with my sweethearts and good friends. The people who do snowboard, ski, skate, snowshoe and whatever other "s" winter sports there are - shoveling?

Really, this is all about me tackling my fair-weather parenting approach. Happy when the sun is out (sleeping through the night, she wasn't fussy today; she went down easy for her naps). These are the sunny days when my little one's behaviour reflects how truly genius, how truly gifted and insightful my parenting is. The days Marley and I gel because I'm so good, so very good at parenting.

Then there are the cloudy, stormy days when Marley is fussy, not sleeping well, etc. The days I'd rather curl up and read a book or sit all day and "think" about "stuff". The days I don't want to do anything because anything and everything seems too hard.

Marley doesn't put up with my smooth talk, my reasoning, or my explanations. She cuts through my bullshit pretty fast, days on the couch alone with my thoughts are long gone. So, I've no excuses. I must get out, engage with the world, be in the world, even when it's cold.

I suspect that the cloudy days have some good lessons. I think my physics teacher Mr. Hussain probably had some good lesson too, I wouldn't know - I cut his class all the time. Hmmmmm, looks like karma is giving me my theory of relativity lesson after all…

Happy

I'm very content. No more to say about that.

Marley

Today my beautiful surprise is 10 months old.

Ten things about my baby girl.

1. Her full name is Marley Sparrow Rutherford. She is named for my maternal grandmother.
2. Her baby toes look like an after thought, like an angel said "you forgot the baby toe on that one - here, quick, puts these two on."
3. She is funny.
4. Her Jolly Jumper keeps us both very entertained - BIG AIR!
5. She has seven cousins.
6. When she wakes up she is often heard laughing - the angels and fairies must be very funny.
7. She is a passionate eater and moving on to table foods.
8. She LOVES her music class, almost always, see #9!
9. She is terrified of slide whistles, the jooooop-joooooop-joooop- sound always sends her into a blind fit of tears.
10. She is over the moon adored by her ga-ga parents.

I'm going to follow my bliss, off to bed...

Poor old boring gets a second look.

I went to my Buddhist class. It didn't start well. The suggested donation was $10.00 and I had a $20.00, no change in the box. I scolded myself for being so tacky and left the money happy to fund a better cause than my Egg Nog Latte addication (that's right, November 1st Starbucks sells Egg Nog lattes, they don't advertise but I'm in the know. If fact, I got a wink from the dude behind the counter when I asked for one a few days ago- I'm just THAT cool)

So back to class, the topic was: "The Restless Heart and Boredom". I couldn't wait for the wisdom to flow and I was sitting in the front row to catch it all. Man, what a boring talk, really. The boring waves of the teacher voice nudging me awake was painful. And then, a - ha, of course, what an awesome lesson. My boredom was caused by my judgement of the instructor (very boring) not her words or message. I felt like I might be able to actually experience some stillness and understanding in this lifetime.

This is a must remember for our West Coast RAINY days (now until April)

I was thinking of trying to learn how to do pictures for my new blog but both my sweethearts are sleeping - time to join them.

I'm off to class

Well, doesn't the universe provide! Just a couple of questions, a few clicks and BOOM...a Buddhist study group right in my own Langley City. I'm going tonight at 7pm. I'd better chill out and avoid my usually "first class" approach - front row, pencil and paper ready, wide-eyed syllabus scanning and planning the thesis and arguements for my next two papers.

I'll just bring myself - scary...

My teacher and baby girl, Marley Sparrow, threw up today. She had to do it twice for me to get the idea. My lesson: don't rush to fix, correct, made nice or calm with food! She is a patient soul because as I sat pondering her wisdom it took awhile to realize I'd better get out of my head and clean up. I didn't like cleaning the puke but it's what Mums do. I felt a connection to all Mum's who at one time or another had puke to mop up, dig out and pick off. Now that's what it's all about!

I think I'm gonna like it here...

Ever see the movie or play Annie? (If I knew how I'd insert a picture of that fresh apple faced Annie and her big happy smiling face) I did! I must been about nine or ten. What a happy show.

So, when I had my chance to be Annie in my middle school play I was like, totally, super, majorly pissed that I didn't get to be THE STAR! What did Mr. Loeb the SCIENCE teacher know about Drama anyway? Jeez, what an jerk! I learned the truth at twelve. (Take that Janis Ian, you had to wait until you were seventeen). Sorry, Janis or it is Janice? I'm sure you're very smart. Love belonged CHOSEN people. The lesson was very clear: BE CHOSEN.

So, Okay...I like to be the chosen one, the picked one, THE SPECIAL ONE...I'll just say it - I still want to be Annie, I still want to be the star, I want everyone to see what Mr. Loeb denied them the chance to see - ME!!!!! Everyone would have said, "That Kelly made a prefect Annie"

What would Buddha say? My ego says he'd say, "Kelly, you are the most insightful student I've ever had, now that you recognize your ego noise, you can notice it, name it and never give it a second thought". Maybe that's what Eckhart Tolle would say. I think though they'd both say, "That Kelly is a prefect Kelly". Awwww, that's not as cool as being a star where everyone sees you and thinks you're something pretty special.

Anyway, I've just found a Buddhist study group very close to home. I'm totally exicited to study with people. Don't get me wrong, Marley is a great teacher and she likes Shambhala Sun (she puts it in her mouth and chews on it) but I think I'm ready for a, hmmmm, seasoned.... no, that little baby knows her stuff, uhhh a "studied" view on Buddhist stuff. Sorry, Marley, someone who knows what they're talking about. You know what you're doing. Hey, maybe you know something I don't...

The truth is Miss Marley is Annie. When I try to take the spotlight, it just looks sad, really, really sad because it is. So, if I'm not the star of my life anymore am I just background, a crappy NYC # 3 crowd scene EXTRA?

Yep, and the biggest secret, I think I'm gonna like it here...it's nothing special and it's everything. I didn't know I'd find so much happiness in the background. Marley just prefect in her role and my background support feels good, no small parts (yeah, right).

Anyway, wish me luck as I look for teacher.