I think I'm gonna like it here...

Ever see the movie or play Annie? (If I knew how I'd insert a picture of that fresh apple faced Annie and her big happy smiling face) I did! I must been about nine or ten. What a happy show.

So, when I had my chance to be Annie in my middle school play I was like, totally, super, majorly pissed that I didn't get to be THE STAR! What did Mr. Loeb the SCIENCE teacher know about Drama anyway? Jeez, what an jerk! I learned the truth at twelve. (Take that Janis Ian, you had to wait until you were seventeen). Sorry, Janis or it is Janice? I'm sure you're very smart. Love belonged CHOSEN people. The lesson was very clear: BE CHOSEN.

So, Okay...I like to be the chosen one, the picked one, THE SPECIAL ONE...I'll just say it - I still want to be Annie, I still want to be the star, I want everyone to see what Mr. Loeb denied them the chance to see - ME!!!!! Everyone would have said, "That Kelly made a prefect Annie"

What would Buddha say? My ego says he'd say, "Kelly, you are the most insightful student I've ever had, now that you recognize your ego noise, you can notice it, name it and never give it a second thought". Maybe that's what Eckhart Tolle would say. I think though they'd both say, "That Kelly is a prefect Kelly". Awwww, that's not as cool as being a star where everyone sees you and thinks you're something pretty special.

Anyway, I've just found a Buddhist study group very close to home. I'm totally exicited to study with people. Don't get me wrong, Marley is a great teacher and she likes Shambhala Sun (she puts it in her mouth and chews on it) but I think I'm ready for a, hmmmm, seasoned.... no, that little baby knows her stuff, uhhh a "studied" view on Buddhist stuff. Sorry, Marley, someone who knows what they're talking about. You know what you're doing. Hey, maybe you know something I don't...

The truth is Miss Marley is Annie. When I try to take the spotlight, it just looks sad, really, really sad because it is. So, if I'm not the star of my life anymore am I just background, a crappy NYC # 3 crowd scene EXTRA?

Yep, and the biggest secret, I think I'm gonna like it here...it's nothing special and it's everything. I didn't know I'd find so much happiness in the background. Marley just prefect in her role and my background support feels good, no small parts (yeah, right).

Anyway, wish me luck as I look for teacher.